COOKIE: I don’t understand why anyone would want to join a gang.
REDEYE: Really?
COOKIE: Why do I want some jerk telling me what to do all the time?
REDEYE: You could probably benefit from listening to someone else for a change.
COOKIE: I don’t want to be IN the gang. I want to be QUEEN of the gang. I’ll lead a rowdy, slutty tribe of stone FOXES to victory.
REDEYE: How slutty?
COOKIE: Like, you’ll get gonorrhea just by LOOKING at them. With a side order of syphillis.
REDEYE: Just like the good old days of high school hot tub parties.
COOKIE: There are no girl gangs in Hells Angles on Wheels, but there are plenty of foxes and probably some VD too.
REDEYE: It’s a typical biker movie where they ride around putting fear into the squares and bashing in the skulls of rival gangs. For me, this is a plot that never gets old.
COOKIE: I think they intended this movie to be shocking, but it’s tame by today’s standards. It’s all very swingin’ 60s, with free love hippie bikers who kiss on the mouth.
REDEYE: Jack Nicholson plays Poet, a lube jockey who’s tired of pumpin gas in Squaresville, USA. He watches the bikers steal all the chicks in town and gets a hard-on for some action.
COOKIE: Poet is the kind of guy that all dudes should aspire to be. I really believe that if you’re not sure who to be, or if you hate yourself, you should just pick a character and BE that.
REDEYE: They say you should be yourself, but in most cases I’d say that’s awful advice. Being a pussy won’t get you pussy.
COOKIE: Being a girl is really hard because we have to choose between the boring nice dude and the mean sex machine. So we end up jumping on the backs of bikes because at least THEN we’ll have something to write about. Poet is cool because he rocks leather and long hair, but he’s also not a bad guy.
REDEYE: And he doesn’t take any shit.
COOKIE: This is totally key. Like, if someone knocks over your bike, you HAVE TO call them out.
REDEYE: And if someone knocks over your beer, you have to choke them out.
COOKIE: Hey, that was ONE time.
REDEYE: Even if you lose the fight, at least you’ll get laid.
COOKIE: Which is what you should tell your two-year-old the next time she complains that a bully made her eat mud.
REDEYE: Anyway, the bikers in this flick are just so fucking cool.
COOKIE: Agreed. These guys are pure SEX. I’m so into them.
REDEYE: You would definitely have wanted to score an invitation to that orgy painting party, then. All the bitches strip down to their panties for some biker body art.
COOKIE: That’s probably my favourite scene. If there’s one kind of gang I understand it’s the kind that ends in BANG.
For more banter, check out VIDEODRONES.
New Comments