The Kama Sutra For Skaters

What’s the one thing that’s better than skateboarding? You guessed it, sex. So why keep these things separate? Why not mix that deck that you love to play with with that dick you also love to play with? In an effort to spice up your sex life and your skate life, we came up with a few new positions for you and your lover (of whatever gender) to try out. Now you can fornicate on a Foundation board, fool around on a 5boro, or copulate on a Cliche. If all goes according to plan you may even need to pick up a Plan B pill so you don’t spawn the next Knox Godoy.

This Story was pinched from our comrades over at JenkemMag

fly

“THE TRAVELING MISSIONARY” AKA “COME FLY WITH ME”

Whether they admit it or not, everyone likes missionary. It’s a world classic. It’s like the ollie of sex. Once you’ve mastered the ollie you can go further into the skate world, similarly, once you’ve mastered missionary you can move onto other positions, you know, like anal sex and double penetration. The traveling missionary adds a new twist to an old favorite by allowing you and your lover to explore missionary in every part of your home, rolling to each room fucking in the oldest position in the book. After trying this it will be your “mission” to tell people about this refreshing take on an old way to bone. Your pleasure levels will be flying high and bodily fluid will be flying by.

 

waterboard

 

“THE WATER BOARD”

Oral sex has never been so criminal! Inspired by the torture methods on prisoners from Guantanamo Bay, the waterboard uses the combination of knee strength and genital asphyxiation for a wild oral experience fun for both teams. Whoever will be munching on genitalia will lie down with their back on the skateboard while the receiver stands above the muncher. The receiver will kneel down (almost as if they’re gonna take a dump on their partner) and suffocate the muncher with their privates until they have given up vital information. Once they’ve got all the info and all fluids out it’s time to switch positions and make sure everyone gets some waterboard treatment.
washer3

 

“THE FULL SERVICE CLEANER”

Think of the “Full Service Cleaner” as the more modern, more liberal version of “The Waterboard”. It switches the power roles, giving more dominance to the person on the skateboard and incorporates one of todays biggests modern sex crazes, ass eating! Like the “Waterboard” the receiver will stand above the muncher but instead of suffocating the muncher, the standing receiver will be at demand of the muncher who will use the skateboard to move back and forth so that they can be able to reach every inch of their lover as well as tell the receiver to get lower or higher. This one will quickly become a favorite in your household and your non-skateboarding lover will start to demand that you always have the best bearings on deck.

 

wallridesex1

 

“THE ROLLER DOGGY TO FRONTSIDE WALLRIDE”

This is a play on the infamous doggy style and is for those true “dirty dogs”. Once you’ve convinced your lover to let you penetrate them, bust out the widest board you have and tell your lover it’s time for “roller doggy”. Place them on the board on their knees, bent over, butt facing towards you, like normal doggy, but utilizing the board to roll them back and forth towards you giving you both that nice stroke. Your “bitch” will be loving it too! If you and your lover are real adventurous, before you climax push them against and up the wall and ride them out for an unforgettable wallride “ender”.

 

Read The Rest of the Radical Feature Over At JenkemMag

 

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The Author

Sean

Sean

Sean Reveron was born & raised in Venice Beach, CA. He terrorized the streets of the West Side as a young Suicidal Boy, and was a part of the early Hardcore movement. Sean has always been passionate about the music and the DIY fashion of the crust and metal world, and that passion led him and his wife Meghan to create the world of CVLT Nation and the CVLT clothing brand.

28 Comments

  1. February 18, 2016 at 1:43 pm — Reply

    Tomas Mosqueda camasutra con skate

  2. February 18, 2016 at 12:33 am — Reply

    Jade O’Donnell

  3. February 17, 2016 at 2:04 pm — Reply

    Jake Solberg 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I’m dying 😭

  4. February 17, 2016 at 1:59 pm — Reply

    She said no to a backside shove it

  5. February 17, 2016 at 12:30 pm — Reply

    Preston Pasco

  6. February 17, 2016 at 11:29 am — Reply

    Miles Scott, Ian Pearce

  7. February 17, 2016 at 10:25 am — Reply

    Kleg Oaraganov

  8. February 17, 2016 at 9:41 am — Reply

    Cucudrulu Del Mojave, Sören Nasty Mondays

  9. February 17, 2016 at 9:04 am — Reply

    Danny West

  10. February 17, 2016 at 7:37 am — Reply

    Amadeus

  11. February 17, 2016 at 6:48 am — Reply

    Mario Steiner

  12. February 17, 2016 at 5:55 am — Reply

    χουσεΐν Dorian Kostas

  13. February 17, 2016 at 4:25 am — Reply

    Hopefully no fakies 😉 Alan, Jason, Alwyn, Niall

    • February 17, 2016 at 4:28 am — Reply

      Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase pusshead 😷😂😂😂

  14. February 17, 2016 at 4:07 am — Reply

    Consanguineous Tyrant Kunene sorry dude but couldn’t resist tagging you lol

    • February 17, 2016 at 9:13 am — Reply

      Hahahahahaha are you trying to throw a hint my way 😉 Hahaha thank you. I will give it a read.

    • February 17, 2016 at 9:15 am — Reply

      Bwahahahaha!!! I just saw it and thought omg – who do I know that skates and would laugh hard at this too. You popped up. Lol. Bad choice of words right there… Hehe

    • February 17, 2016 at 9:18 am — Reply

      Hahahaha it’s kak funny! !

    • February 17, 2016 at 9:19 am — Reply

      Thanks a lot. Hahahaha damn it’s so funny. Hahahahaha

    • February 17, 2016 at 9:21 am — Reply

      Sweeeet m/ I hosed too lol

  15. February 17, 2016 at 3:42 am — Reply

    Natthawut Metinovich Jetatigarn

  16. February 17, 2016 at 3:35 am — Reply

    Marlin Mulle

  17. February 17, 2016 at 2:48 am — Reply

    Angelo, been there done that

  18. February 17, 2016 at 2:32 am — Reply

    Maarten Baum

  19. February 17, 2016 at 2:11 am — Reply

    Nick Marcisin Cassandra Bradshaw

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