COOKIE: The other night RedEye asked me if I was an android.
REDEYE: Only because you were being really nice to me.
COOKIE: I was probably drunk or high on NeoCitran or something.
REDEYE: At first I was freaked out. But then I was like, this isn’t so bad.
COOKIE: Maybe that was the REAL me, and this version is the android.
REDEYE: Right. Kinda like how in Halloween 3, the doctor’s girlfriend gets replaced by an android who tries to murder him. That’s definitely a more accurate representation of you.
COOKIE: Men love crazy bitches. Otherwise, I wouldn’t get so many dates.
REDEYE: Women love creepy old dudes.
COOKIE: Also true.
REDEYE: The doctor in Season of the Witch is a straight pimp. The guy is pushing 60 and he gets away with sexually harassing the nurses at work and somehow scores a hot, young piece of ass.
COOKIE: What a silver fox. I love how he’s like, “How old are you?” And she’s like, “Older than you think.” Which is code for, “You’re about to commit statutory rape, but I’m cool with that.”
REDEYE: You’d know all about that.
COOKIE: Um, duh, I went to public school in a small town.
REDEYE: I love how Silver Shamrock’s evil ploy is to murder all the parents and children in America.
COOKIE: I have a really hard time empathizing with the protagonist when the villain’s motivation is so rational.
REDEYE: Yeah, I mean, have you been on Facebook lately?
COOKIE: I like to go on it when I’m feeling really bad about myself. Cheers me right up!
REDEYE: People can do whatever they want behind closed doors, like have babies, read Bibles or shoot smack, but I don’t want to see that shit.
COOKIE: It seems like everyone I used to know is getting older, but I just keep getting younger. Pretty soon I’ll be a balding, slurring midget with questionable motor control!
REDEYE: And I’ll dump you for some barren bitch.
Happy Halloween from VIDEODRONES. DON’T do anything we wouldn’t do.
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