COOKIE: Countess Bathory is a good role model for young girls.
REDEYE: Agreed. More girls should idolize bloodsucking serial killers.
COOKIE: When I was 16, I wasn’t reading Modern Bride or Seventeen Magazine. I was reading Crime Library, and the Lady of Blood was one of my favourite true crime tales.
REDEYE: And look how well-adjusted you are.
COOKIE: Exactly! I almost went into seizures when you found Daughters of Darkness on VHS! Not only is it a Countess Bathory flick, it’s also widely considered one of the most evocative and unusual vampire movies ever made.
REDEYE: I’m not sure that this flick lives up to the hype, but you can’t really go wrong with sexy lesbian bloodsuckers who torment newlyweds and butcher virgins.
COOKIE: YES! And that’s why I think the Countess is the ideal teen dream. In this movie, she’s totally badass. Kind of like the female Marquis de Sade, except that she’s wayyyy more twisted.
REDEYE: Yeah, she’s into all kinds of gnarly shit. Like sticking chicks with rusty nails and shoving hot pokers in their faces.
COOKIE: AND draining their blood so that she can stay young and hot. This bitch takes care of herself, and she looks amazing. So cool and glam. But most important, she doesn’t take any shit from dudes.
REDEYE: What was with that Stefan guy? He marries a chick he doesn’t love, he’s a sadistic necrophiliac and his “mother” is really a man. What the fuck.
COOKIE: Well, isn’t that an accurate description of most husbands? That’s why the Countess is so rad. She steals his woman. Like, “Ditch this loser and come for a spin in my sexy red Coupe and LIVE FOREVERRRRR!”
REDEYE: Is she actually a vampire, or just a lesbian?
COOKIE: Well, she betrays her sultry girlfriend to shack up with some skinny bitch she JUST MET.
REDEYE: Sometimes I think you’re a dyke.
COOKIE: I could be. How can anyone really ever KNOW something like that.
REDEYE: Good thing I’m not marrying you.
COOKIE: Good thing I’m with someone who doesn’t have such gruesome interests.
Do you agree that the Blood Countess is a good role model for girls? If not, who is? Who were your idols?
For more banter, check out VIDEODRONES.
New Comments